If You Tilt Your Head And Squint
by loverofeevee
Summary: Title basically means that it can be a full story if you really want, or just a bundle of snippets. Has a tiny bit of language, like one or two words, and a teensy little bit of slash, a single kiss right at the end. Although it says complete, if I think of any other bits I'll put them in.


_This can either be seen as a confusing story, or a group of daft snippets that shoulda, woulda coulda happen._

If You Tilt Your Head And Squint

When Hagrid came to collect Harry and take him shopping, the only thing he thought he had to be worried about was getting through the crowds of people desperate to shake hands with the Boy Who Lived. That was until Harry let loose with his secret weapon.

The puppy dog eyes.

It was because of those puppy dog eyes that Hagrid was persuaded to let Harry stay a bit longer at Gringotts, to allow the boy to ask about any other vaults he might have and to sort them out the way he wanted them.

It was those puppy dog eyes that had Hagrid standing impatiently inside, or at times outside, each and every shop in Diagon Alley while Harry used his new found fortune to shop to his heart's delight.

It was those puppy dog eyes that convinced Hagrid that Harry would be fine going into Knockturn Alley to explore the shops there, as long as Hagrid stayed by his side.

And when those puppy dog eyes were fixed at the eye specialist, Hagrid wondered if it was a really such a good idea to allow Harry to run free at Hogwarts.

Finally they came to Ollivander's wand shop. Mr Ollivander came to the front desk with a smile on his face and a twinkle in his eye. Both faded when faced with the puppy dog eyes, and Hagrid had already run for the hills, exhausted and in desperate need of a drink. Giving a glare to the dust trail the half giant left behind, Mr Ollivander started handing Harry wand after wand.

Thirty wands in and the man was begging that the next wand would be the one. Hell he was ready to hand the entire shop over just to get rid of those wide watery puppy dog eyes.

Finally, before he went insane, Mr Ollivander decided to make the boy a custom wand. He gave a sigh of relief when Harry was handed a wand that accepted him, and in his relief Mr Ollivander made a rather silly mistake. He warned Harry about underage magic and the trace on the wand. The moment the words were out his mouth, Mr Ollivander whimpered as the puppy dog eyes came back to haunt him.

He swiped the wand out the boy's hand and removed the trace, praying that the ministry didn't find out.

Harry smiled widely and thanked the man, leaving the store to find Hagrid. Mr Ollivander sighed, god help Hogwarts when that boy came a calling.

Hagrid was rather proud of himself. He'd bought Harry a gift, and got them both a nice meal from the Leaky Cauldron. And he'd answered all the boy's questions about the magical world. The day was nearly over, and not once did the puppy dog eyes resurface. Hagrid was so pleased with himself that when Harry asked about the mysterious package, the half giant blurted out the secret without thinking. Which started a conversation about why such an item was going to Hogwarts, which brought the subject onto Voldemort. Which brought the puppy dog eyes back full force.

Harry wanted to go back to the book shop for any books related to Voldemort and his death eaters.

Hagrid thumped his head on the table. Damn, so close!

OOO

'What is this transaction?'

The Goblin leaned over.

'That would be a withdrawal by your magical guardian'.

Harry nodded.

'And this one?'

'That is a monthly payment to your muggle relatives for taking care of you'.

Another nod.

'Shouldn't I have more than just money?'

'Your magical guardian decided that it was in your best interests to sell off everything else and put the profits back in the family vault'.

'Ah. So I guess that means if my family had any houses, or businesses…'

'They would have been sold alongside the assets. You currently have thirty five million galleons between your family and your trust vaults. You also have the family ring. I do believe your magical guardian saved one other item, he mentioned he would give it to you when you were ready'.

Harry nodded thoughtfully.

'I saw someone with what looked like a bottomless pouch. You wouldn't by any chance have any of those, would you?'

'Yes. We also have special cards that you can use in the muggle world. The cards can be keyed to your pouch if you prefer to use only the money inside, or keyed to your vault. Both the pouch and the card will be keyed to you, so if they are stolen or lost they will automatically return to you, and no-one will be able to access them except yourself'.

The Goblin was getting impatient. This snot nosed brat had been in his office asking questions for close to an hour. It was with reluctance that the Goblin had handed over the list of transactions since the boy's parents had died, it was the right of the customer to ask for such transactions after all. But now he just wanted the boy to withdraw some money and leave. He didn't care about what the magical guardian did, it was within the man's right to sell off items. Finally the boy spoke.

'Alright. I'd like to buy a bottomless pouch and a card for the magical world'.

Finally!

'And how much would you like to withdraw?'

'All of it'.

The Goblin stuck a finger in his ear and twiddled it around. He could have sworn he heard the boy say he wanted all of it.

'And I want my family ring as well' Harry then said.

'You…You do realise that if you withdraw all of it, that you won't receive any more interest and you will be putting your money at risk?' the Goblin asked.

'It's more at risk here. Now I want my money, and I want it now'.

The Goblin began to sweat. Surely the boy wasn't doing what he thought he was doing.

'Are you absolutely sure?'

'Yes. This bank has allowed some stranger to sell my items and take my money without once informing me. I want my money please'.

For the next half hour the Goblin threatened, pleaded, even went down on his knees, but Harry was past caring. Eventually he got what he asked for. He slipped the ring on his finger, placed his fortune in his pocket, dug out a single knut and tossed it at the creature.

'Here. If anyone asks you can say I at least left my account open'.

OOO

'Have you made a decision?'

'Yes. I'd like a four level trunk. Level one will have a garden with a pool, a greenhouse and a potions lab. I want this level temperature regulated and the garden area to change depending on what time it is outside.

Level two will have a training room and games room. I want muggle technology to work in this trunk.

Level three will have a living room, kitchen, library and an office. The kitchen larder will have a preservation spell on it, and the living room will have a one way "window" viewing outside.

Level four will have a master bedroom with en-suit, two guest bedrooms, a bathroom and a space for the Elf quarters.

The whole trunk will be well lit with plenty of space, each room will be accessible regardless of where I am, and I want to ensure that even an explosion will not damage it or anything inside. I want access to the floo network, and be able to apparate in and out. I want to be able to shrink it via wand touch and be able to strap it securely to my belt, have it feather light, and have it keyed to only myself'.

'That will cost a pretty penny, but it can be done. I can have it completed in two days time'.

'Perfect'.

OOO

Harry eyed his…err, new room. It was bland, it was dark, and it was messy.

'Welcome to Dudley's toy room, please leave your manners at the door'.

He fingered his wand, his traceless wand, and grinned. Time to put everything he'd learned into good use.

'First things first'.

Everything in the room vanished to the loft, leaving an empty space. Another wave of the wand and it became a dust free empty space.

'I think we'll start…here'.

The plain brown crumbling and nail filled walls became smooth and even, painted with a nice deep blue, with dark wood panels covering the bottom half. The horrible sky blue paint was taken from the door and the wood underneath was varnished.

'Nice. And now for the floor'.

The ugly carpet was taken away and vanished t placed unknown. The floorboards were varnished to make them a few shades darker, and a dark blue fluffy rug was placed in the middle of the room.

'Can't forget the windows'.

A flick and they were sparkling clean, and the bars removed. Another flick and a pair of short curtains the same shade as the rug appeared. Harry opened the window to remove the stuffy smell.

'Alright, I have my space. Although…it would be nice to have a bathroom of my own. Now where to put it…?'

The closed space above the stairs would be perfect. It just needed a little reinforcement, and some pipes to attach to the main plumbing. Easy peasy. Some flicks and the area became a nicely spaced bathroom, furnished with the usual toilet, sink, nice big bath and some storage. Another flick and a small high window appeared.

'No more sharing with the walrus and the whale. Now for some furniture'.

The bed returned, it was placed in the right corner near the window, and with a flick the frame was repaired and varnished to match the wood in the room. The mattress was replaced with a nice new clean bouncy one. A crisp white fitted sheet appeared, and then a pair of plush pillows with one white pillowcase and one deep blue. Then the cover appeared, the same deep blue and nice and thick.

'Perfect. And the wardrobe…'

A repaired and varnished wardrobe reappeared to sit beside the door.

'And the desk…'

Varnished and repaired to match the wardrobe, placed opposite the bed. Another flick made a comfy chair appear. A third and a bookcase sat beside the desk, matching shade of wood of course.

'And…Hmm I really don't need the chest of drawers. But I could use some new toys'.

Dudley's broken stuff appeared. Harry sorted out the things he wanted from the junk, vanishing the useless stuff back to the loft. The rest was repaired and put either in the bookcase or in his trunk.

'And…somewhere to put some food would be good'.

A larder, disguised as a smaller wardrobe, was placed on the other side of the desk. It would hold both cold and hot foods and drinks, and preserve whatever was inside for several years. A flick and all the food and drink Harry had bought was placed inside.

'It's getting a little crowded, perhaps a bit more space…'

The room began to expand. Not a huge amount but enough to give some walking space between the bed, desk and wardrobe. The door and window moved to fit, and the master bedroom next door shrank just a little. One last flick and his trunk was placed behind the door, Hedwig's perch beside the wardrobe.

'And I'm done. Wait, just one more thing'.

The door became firmly locked from the inside. Harry grinned and slumped onto his new bed.

'Lovely!'

OOO

Harry was looking round so fast it was a wonder his head didn't fall from his shoulders. The place was crowded, but then it was always crowded at this time of the year. This was the time when all the young ones were displayed for all to see, eagerly yapping away for attention and running around to meet the others. Harry was already writing his Christmas list.

'I want that one, and that one, and those over there and aww that one's all alone, and ooh are those identical?! Aww that one's so cute and look at them I just want to hug them and squeeze them! That one looks like it'll need plenty of exercise. Oh I could just pet that one all day! That one's a definite lap one, and look at that one it looks like it's been dipped in chocolate! Oh my god look at them! I want them all!'

Hedwig hooted in annoyance. SHE was Harry's pet. He gave her a sheepish look.

'Sorry girl, you know you're my top girl. I just can't help but want some more'.

She rolled her eyes but relented. She was his top girl, and the others would find that out.

'Hedwig look at those ones!'

She hooted idly. They didn't hold a candle to her, even if they were so blonde they were almost silver.

'The Dursleys are going to be so crowded when I get back' Harry muttered to himself, adding the new additions to his list.

Suddenly there was a loud whistle, and everyone began to rush around like mad. Parents pushed their young into compartments while others started to leave.

'Aww! I wasn't done with my Christmas list' Harry moaned as the train left the station and began its journey to Hogwarts.

OOO

'Harry Potter!'

The hall became flooded with excited whispers, people craning their heads to see the boy saviour. For a few moments no-one moved.

Then a tiny black haired boy made his way forward and sat on the stool. He could have passed for an eight year old. He wore all black, robes, t-shirt, trousers and even trainers, creating a desired gothic look. His long, slightly unruly hair swept over one side of his pale face. The eye that wasn't hidden was a haunting shade of green. He had a twelve inch weeping willow wand with a black Unicorn hair core in a holster up his left arm, and a shrunken trunk strapped to a black leather belt on his waist.

The hall paid little heed to his attire, falling silent as they eagerly waited for the hat to be placed on his head.

A few seconds past, then a minute, then a few more. The hat began to look frustrated.

'_How in the world am I supposed to sort you when all I can see is darkness?!'_

Harry didn't answer.

'_A little communication would be helpful you know'._

It was ignored.

'_Oh very well then! I have a mind not to sort you at all. But I have orders, so I'll put you in _GRYFFINDOR!'

The house of lions started cheering as he sat down. Professor McGonagall gave the hat a curious look, before continuing with the sorting.

Harry got several pats on the backs and many students tried to introduce themselves and talk to him. The persistent red head boy from the train soon joined the table and made out that Harry was his best friend, proudly answering any questions the students sent his way about the boy saviour. The headmaster stood and spoke a few words and then all talk died as food appeared on the tables.

No-one noticed tiny fists clenching small knees to stop them trembling. No-one noticed that Harry had stopped eating after just one small slice of chicken, spending the rest of the meal sipping out a flask of slightly warmed milk that had been summoned from his trunk

No-one appeared to realise that he had yet to speak a single word.

OOO

'Potter! What would I get if I added powdered root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?'

The tiny boy said nothing, staring blankly ahead. Severus sneered.

'You don't know, then let's try again, where would you look if I told you to find me a bezoar?'

Still he received no answer. Not even an "I don't know sir".

'And what is the difference between Monkshood and Wolfsbane?' he spat.

The brat didn't even flinch. Severus was not about to pamper a spoiled arrogant boy who decided he was too lazy and famous to open a book.

'Ten points from Gryffindor!' he snarled, then spelled instructions on the board and barked at the class to start.

At the end of the class, if anyone had cared to notice, they would have seen Harry put a sheet of crumpled parchment in the bin. It read:

"_Powdered __root of asphodel to an infusion of wormwood? Draught of the living death._

_Location of a__ bezoar? Goat's stomach._

_Monkshood and Wolfsbane? Same plant"._

OOO

'When I blow my whistle, you will kick off hard. You will bring your brooms a foot off the ground, hover for a while, and then touch back down'.

Neville had just gotten the hang of sitting properly on his broom when the whistle sounded. He whimpered as the bloody thing began to rise, getting higher and higher until it decided it was high enough to shoot forward. He hung on for dear life, until he could hang on no longer and dropped to the ground like a dead weight.

As Madam Hooch escorted the boy away, Draco spotted a remembrall and smirked. Harry spotted it as well, and drew his wand.

That night in the hospital wing Neville woke up with a need for the bathroom. On the way back he discovered his remembrall sitting by his bed, along with a little note.

"_Just because you've made mistakes doesn't mean your mistakes get to make you. Our problems are really our blessings if we use them to get stronger. It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are"._

He picked up the remembrall and immediately it turned red. Neville frowned. It was always turning red. He was always forgetting something, or doing horrible at something, or being picked on because he did something stupid. It was the wake up call he needed. Someone believed in him, he didn't know who but someone brought his remembrall back to him, and someone had left that note. Tomorrow he would write to his gran and ask that she take him to get his own wand, and if he had to fight with her to get it, then he would. Neville Longbottom would be a pushover no more.

In the dead of night no-one noticed the tiny black haired form head back to the Gryffindor common room.

OOO

'It's levi-OOOOH-sa not levioSAR! She's a nightmare, honestly. It's no wonder she hasn't got any AHHH!'

The student laughed as Ron picked himself up from the ground, muttering about tripping over a root or something. As Hermione ran off crying, Harry slipped his wand back into its holster and followed at a casual pace. She headed into a bathroom and he hunkered down in a corner, wrapped his robes round him and kept an eye on the door.

Some hours passed, yet he remained still. No-one noticed him in his little corner, and he watched as within that time a trickle of girls entered and left the bathroom. Hermione didn't make an appearance, and so he continued to sit.

When a Troll came lumbering down the corridor, the only surprise Harry showed was a slight widening of his eyes. He slipped his wand out its holster.

Hermione eventually came out the bathroom, and the hours she'd spent alone and sobbing in the cubical had made her think. It was time she let others do their own work, let someone else answer the questions. She'd been in the bathroom for hours and yet no-one had come to find her, teacher or otherwise. It was a blow to her authority figure worship, but it was the wake up call she needed. She headed for the common room, promising herself that this was the last time she'd ever be bullied.

She had missed the Troll by minutes. It had been distracted by a crash further down the corridor and was captured by the teachers.

Harry had already left the scene.

OOO

Madam Amelia Bones was just finishing off some paperwork when a gorgeous snowy owl flew through the window and placed a parcel on her desk, leaving as gracefully as it arrived.

Inside was a scruffy looking rat in an unbreakable cage, and a note:

"_You may want to put up anti animagus wards before letting him out, and have some veritaserum handy"._

OOO

'Do you mean that because I killed it, I can keep the carcass?!'

Dobby nodded.

'It be the law Master Harry sir. You can also claim any money and assets of anyone you kill, as long as they are the last in line'.

Harry glanced from the Elf to the Basilisk and back. Then he grinned.

'Hell yeah! Dobby I want a list of death eaters that are the last in their line. We're going hunting!'

OOO

Harry watched as Dobby and Winky fixed the last few in place. He smirked. Let Dumbledore the Manipulator try to keep information from him now.

He'd had a stroke of genius one day while wondering why people weren't telling him anything. So he had used the floo in his trunk to go to the Leaky Cauldron and headed to the trunk store. He asked for several identical trunks to be made, with the same protections his own had, and to have ruins carved on each to make them permanently invisible and shrunken. No spells would reveal them, and not even Mad-Eye would be able to see them. In them he put a sitting area, small kitchen and a bathroom. One wall was turned into a one way "window" where he could watch the goings on outside, and he could move from one to the other effortlessly via either the floo or via apparition. Dobby and Winky were tasked to scatter the trunks. One in Dumbledore's office, one in the Minister's office, one in Grimmauld Place, one in Hogwarts staff room, and one at the old Riddle mansion. The Elves had been a godsend, and had even added their own protections to all the trunks.

Let the secret be revealed.

OOO

'You sure this will work?'

The spirit of Lily smiled at her son.

'It will work Harry, as long as you focus'.

Harry ran his hand over his chest, where a small white lily had been tattooed over his heart.

'Let's get started then'.

Harry placed the finishing touches on a ruin and stood, stripping off and sitting in the middle of the circle. He picked up the dagger and touched the tip to his forehead. Lily watched as her son chanted a ritual no teenager should ever need to know. Tears pooled in her eyes as Harry began screaming in pain, dropping the stained dagger and thrashing around as the soul piece inside his scar called out for the others. From around Britain several other soul pieces began to stir, being pulled one by one to Harry's location. The piece inside Harry was suddenly detached from his scar, hovering above his body as the others floated in and joined it. They swirled, melting together to become most of Tom Marvolo Riddle. And then, with one last burst of energy, they were blasted into the afterlife.

In a creepy old manor close by a graveyard, a withered form shrieked. He'd been trying to figure out why his snake suddenly started thrashing before it gave one gasp of air and lay still. Voldemort dropped like a stone, gasping as his life was pulled from him, his soul piece yearning to join with its counter parts. Voldemort reached for his wand to summon someone, anyone, but it was too late.

He had only had his new body for a few weeks.

R.I.H* Tom Marvolo Riddle

(Rest in hell)

OOO

'Harry! Harry what's wrong?!'

'Demon! Cat! LADY! Pink! NAKED! Cloak! TOAD! Bath! RUN!'

The group watched with confusion as the boy ran screaming down the hall.

'Wha…?'

'Hold on, I speak panic' Luna said.

They waited while she took a moment to translate.

'Harry snuck into Umbridge's room to prank her only to find her just coming out the bath and she'd decided not to wear a towel' the little blonde finally said.

There was a moment of silence.

'EWWWWW!'

'BATHROOM VERY MUCH NEEDED!'

'HARRY WAIT UP!'

OOO

'Hey look at this!'

Harry and Ron peered over her shoulder.

'You remember those golems the headmaster made? Well it says here that you can make a golem of anything'.

'Really? Anything at all?' Ron asked in surprise.

Hermione nodded.

'Absolutely anything. The only limit is the amount of power you have'.

'Cool! Imagine if you could make something really huge to scare off Voldemort and his deatheaters!' Ron exclaimed.

Hermione turned to reply, and noticed the expression on Harry's face.

'Harry? You've got that look again. Mind telling us what you're thinking?'

Ron also turned to his friend, just in time for the small smirk to become a bit bigger. The red head took a few steps back.

'Mate?'

Harry shook his head and grinned.

'Nothing guys. I just had a crazy thought. No big deal'.

Hermione frowned at him.

'Harry, last time you had that expression the Slytherins flinched every time someone said banana. What are you planning?'

'Nothing at all, honest. Look I gotta go and talk to…someone *cough the twins cough* I won't be too long'.

'Harry!'

But the dark haired boy had already left.

OOO

'SURRENDER POTTER AND WE WILL NOT TORTURE YOUR FRIENDS!'

Voldemort smirked as the coward refused to come and fight. He hoped the boy would do that.

'YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE! ATTACK!'

Fenrir howled and started running, followed by the giants, the vampires and all the other nasty critters Voldemort employed to do his dirty work.

*William Tell Overture starts to play ominously in the background*

'What's that sound?' a random vampire (we'll make him blonde and sparkly just for the heck of it) asks.

The ground started to shake.

'Duh…ground moving' a giant said.

The other giants started bowing down in awe to the smartest of their kind.

'WHAT IS GOING ON?!' Voldemort shrieked…I mean boomed manically.

Ron leaned in to Hermione.

'Not to agree with him, but what IS going on?'

She shrugged.

'No idea. All I remember is Harry and the twins asking me to borrow my Walking With se…ooooh. I think I know what's going on'.

'OY MOLDYSHORTS!'

'WHO DARES CALL ME THAT?!' the snake man hollers.

'I really hate when people call me that' he then whines.

Harry smirked.

'Say hello to my little friends'.

'ROOOAAARRR!'

Fenrir snarls scarily, then looked up at the giant thing coming at him.

'Oh poopie'.

Hermione slapped a hand to her head.

'Yep, definitely know what's going on'.

From atop the, unusually large hill that suddenly appeared from the left, came a massive group of TYRANNOSAURUS!

'EEEEK!'

From the skies behind the castle swooped in a flock of ORNITHOCHEIRUS!

'SQUEEEAAALLL!

From the depths of the forest to the side of the unusually large hill came VELOCIRAPTERS!

'GAAASSSPPP!

From the swell of the great lake splashed up LIOPLEURODON, SARCOSUCHUS and MEGALODON!

'SCREEEAAAMMM!'

From the giant plains behind the bag guys came herds of TRICERATOPS, STEGOSAURUS and the magnificent BRACHIOSAURUS!

'OOOMMMFFFGGG!'

From under the dirt came the creepy crawls of ARTHROPLEURA!

'…?'

*Sound of people checking randomly appearing computers*.

'EEEWWW!'

From the trench around the castle came the dreaded TITANOBOA!

'…'

'MY BASILISK WAS BIGGER THAN THAT!'

Titanoboa hisses dejectedly and slithers back into the trench.

Harry sat on his mighty t-rex steed, a noble meganeura perched on his arm.

Hedwig was going to tear that ruddy dragonfly apart, size of an eagle or otherwise. That was HER Harry!

Harry flips out a walky talky.

'How's everything on your side Fred, over?'

Over on the far plains the red head shifts on his stegosaurus steed and grabs his walky talky.

'Rodger that, everything here is brilliant, over!'

'Rodger, how about you George, over?'

George wipes the tears from his eyes and grabs the walky talky from the fin of the megalodon.

'Rodger that, they're wetting their pants here, over!'

'Rodger, Sirius what about you, over?'

'Over what?! Why are you calling me Rodger?! And what the hell is this thing I'm riding on?! The neck's huge! Hey look I can see my house from here!'

'…'

'Are you Serious?!'

'…That joke's old Harry, now seriously why are you calling me Rodger?!'

'Never mind. ATTACK!'

Many followers tucked their tails between their legs and ran. Those who didn't have tails were given tails by magic.

*William Tell music comes to its final*

'Why are we here again?' Ron asked as they watch the carnage unfold.

'Well…we were supposed to be here to give our support, and help guard the castle, and…'

'It was a rhetorical question Mione'.

And as the sun's rays set over the grounds of Hogwarts, we leave Voldemort and his followers to be mauled to death by prehistoric monsters, while the good people defending the castle wretch and go inside for a nice lie down.

'MWHAHAHAHAHAHA!'

'You can't pull off the evil laugh Harry'.

The boy saviour pouts.

'I thought it was pretty good' he mutters.

_*Hopefully I've spelled these correctly. If you can't be bothered looking up the names then I'll save the effort. Ornithocheirus is a huge flying reptile (thee biggest ever) roughly the size of a small plane. Liopleurodon is a huge monster of the sea who's skull is twice as long as a t-rex. Megalodon is a shark almost three times as big as the biggest great white *shudder*. Sarcosuchusis an absolutely huge crocodile, twice as big as Nile crocs. Brachiosaurus (the one Sirius is riding on) is the tallest sauropod found, one of those critters with the really long necks and tails. Titanoboa is a huge snake. Meganeura is a dragonfly the size of an eagle (didn't I already explain that?)And arthropleura (if you don't like bugs stops reading) is a huge centipede/millipede larger than a man*._

OOO

People looked at him and saw a tiny, weak looking boy. He either had delusions of being a savior, or was an arrogant lying lazy bully of a freak.

Which was why it was so ironic that when Voldemort fell, Harry took his place.

Sitting in his gothic mansion, sprawled over a platinum throne, eighteen year old Harry felt that life couldn't get any better. He had his fortune, his spying trunks were scattered in important places around Britain, Dobby and Winky were devoted to him, and best of all, he had his "pets".

He ran his hands through the platinum locks of the one by his feet. Lucius Malfoy looked so good wearing naught but a pair of loose black shorts and a gold collar round his neck. The man was kneeling submissively, eyes closed as he enjoyed being petted by his master.

Sitting on the corner of the throne room was a large golden cage. Inside was Draco. The boy had taken a temper tantrum earlier in the day, and was being punished. Wearing only loose shorts, forced on his knees with his arms behind his back, the blonde was glaring at the floor, part in embarrassment of being on display in such a way, and part in shame at seeing his own father submitting to Potter.

Next door to him was Ron, in exactly the same position. He'd also taken a temper tantrum, but unlike Draco who knew when to shut up, Ron had been gagged and was furiously trying to remove the thing so he could yell at Harry for tying him up and putting him in a cage.

Around the throne room were scattered many large cushions. Harry's other pets lounged on them, sipping away at sweet wine or helping themselves to the delectable chocolates. The twins Fred and George were licking chocolate from each other's bodies. Hermione was reading a book, a hand occasionally reaching out to pick from one of the many plates. Bill and Fleur were napping, Fleur lying over his chest. Charlie, Sirius, Cedric and Oliver were in a debate over quidditch. Nymphadora was flirting with Remus, holding a chocolate between her lips inviting him to take it. Percy and Severus were engaged in a riveting game of chess. Narcissa was trying to make sense of what Luna was saying, the little blonde talking about Nargles and Crumple-Horned Snorkacks and other such beasties.

Yes life was perfect. The world owed him a huge favour since they had left him with abusive muggles, and all the blame was being passed to one Albus Dumbledore.

Harry pulled Lucius up for a kiss. If this is what was it meant to be a dark lord, then who was he to argue.


End file.
